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Stephen Colbert Declares Trump to Be ‘Past His Expiration Date'

·3 mins

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Donald Trump’s former lawyer and fixer, took the stand on Monday in the former president’s hush money trial. ‘Now, you never want to be the middleman between your boss and a porn star,’ said Colbert. ‘Sure, it sounds titillating when they ask, but eventually it’s just a tangle of limbs, and you’re just kind of watching.’ ‘Michael Cohen testified today that former President Trump once said that he wouldn’t be single for very long if former first lady Melania Trump were to leave him,’ said Meyers. ‘So, yeah, he wrote his own vows.’ ‘That’s right, Michael Cohen testified today that Trump once asked him how long he’d be single if Melania were to leave him and said, ‘How long do you think I’d be on the market for? Not long,’ said Meyers. ‘On the market? You’re a 78-year-old psychopath with massive debt. That’s not a market, that’s a lost-and-found bin,’ added Meyers. ‘Coincidentally, ‘not long’ is how Stormy described it,’ commented Colbert. ‘But it’s true — he would be off the market soon. I mean, he is clearly past his expiration date,’ joked Colbert. ‘During his testimony today, Cohen also said that he was never paid for early legal work he did for Trump,’ shared Meyers. ‘Of course not! He doesn’t pay his lawyers, he doesn’t pay his contractors. There’s really only one way to get paid by Donald Trump, and it is not worth it,’ Meyers added. ‘At this rally, Trump talked about the ‘Silence of the Lambs’ character Hannibal Lecter and said he was a ‘wonderful man,’ Meyers continued. ‘First of all, Hannibal Lecter isn’t real. He’s a character played by Anthony Hopkins, a wonderful man who is real. Second, the character Hannibal is not a wonderful man, he’s a cannibal who murdered a bunch of people. And third, please tell me this is not your VP announcement,’ Meyers quipped. ‘What is going on? I’m no political expert, but maybe don’t keep saying, ‘the late, great Hannibal Lecter,’’ added Fallon. ‘Oh, I love ‘Silence of the Lamb.’ It’s one of my favorite movies right up there with ‘Star War,’ ‘Dance with Wolf’ and ‘Jaw’,’ chimed in Colbert. ‘‘Late great’? In none of the stories does Hannibal Lecter die, and Sir Anthony Hopkins is very much still alive. Does Trump just think a character dies when he turns off the T.V.?,’ joked Colbert. Snoop Dogg and Jimmy Fallon wore matching American tracksuits on Monday to celebrate the upcoming Paris Olympics. The ‘All Fours’ author will appear on Tuesday’s ‘Daily Show.’ In ‘Appropriate,’ Sarah Paulson aims to present ‘a fully realized person up there that you can have some connectivity to.’